Saturday, August 25, 2012

My personal evolution - Going from "mono" to "stereo"

One of the biggest personal revelations I have made in the past few months was how much I lacked in empathy. It is almost like I have lived the last 27 years of my life behind a transparent sheet of almost impermeable glass that lets words and images through, but not the emotional nuances.

During a conversation, I tend to focus almost exclusively on the thought process of the person. "What made that person reach that conclusion?" That explains why I am often confused by the irrational way people seem to jump to conclusions, which kind of throws me into an increasing confusion feedback loop trying to understand their thought process even more. I have subsequently made my own life easier by applying the assumption with caveats that most people are irrational and not aware of how they think anyway. This similarly applies to myself.

My friend has commented that I have a highly developed sense for seeing how systems should be designed and the logical way processes should be structured. However, at the same time, I have an almost defunct ability to guess how people will react to my words and actions. This is in contrast to another person whom I work with, who is often able to think 3 - 5 steps in advance during conversations about how to guide the negotiation process forward. 

Luckily, I am now fully aware of this deficiency. Now, it is in the realm of "what I know I don't know". For the past few days, I have been more aware of the pauses in speech, people's facial expressions, the tone of voice and body language. It has been an interesting experience, albeit a bit overwhelming, as there are now more bits of information to process in parallel. I have also been looking for resources to beef up my lack of understanding. Lastly, I think I am only learning to be more human (although.. in a relatively more structured way than most people) =)

I wonder how many people are like me, who are unaware that they are seeing without feeling, in their daily lives?